The Note
by hooked on tv
Summary: This is a quick little one shot i had on my mind that would not let me sleep, be warned there is mention of suicide. If enough people want i might be persuaded into adding more at some point.


**A.N.- This is something that I had to get down so that I can hopefully get to sleep. At present this is a one shot but if enough people want me to develop it into a story then I will. This will be full of angst either way and deals with Suicide, you have been warned. This takes place after Rachel sends Sunshine to the crack house, and finally I don't own glee.**

After about fifteen minutes of knocking on the door without receiving an answer from inside she became worried, so worried about the occupant that she tried the doorknob and to her surprise found it unlocked. As she entered the house calling out a piece of paper on the entryway table caught her eye and a quick glance became a sudden rush to pick it up and read it.

To whoever finds this letter,

First I would like to thank you; at least you cared enough about me to check up on me even if it was way too late. In the more likely event that you are a policeman who is only checking because the school finally noticed I have been absent for so long, than please forgive the rambling of a teen age girl who has a few things left she wants to say.

I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone. If it hadn't been for your once again over the top negative reactions to me today the decision I made would have been infinitely harder to reach. You have shown once again that pettiness runs rampant in high school and that no one ever really cared anything about me and have only solidified my beliefs that there must be something wrong with me. It's the only reason I can think of why the people I love never stick around or love me back.

My whole life I have never really made friends very easily. I know that part of that is because of how self-confident and at times obnoxious I can come across but that's just who I am. I used to have a friend though, from the time we were eight years old to the first of high school we were inseparable. Once high school started though that's when things began to fall apart.

First, my dad's left me. It had been building up to that for years I suppose, business trips that lasted just a little bit longer each time as I got older. Really I should have expected it but it still crushed me when I found their letter the night before the first day of freshman year telling me they were gone, that they had thought they wanted a child but realized now that I was just a burden to them. I cried myself to sleep that night hoping for the morning to come so I could find some comfort in my best friend.

It was not to be however, instead the girl I grew up with I found someone who refused to acknowledge me. I thought I had done something wrong, forgotten some event or thing that we had planned and she was just giving me the silent treatment for a bit, something that had happened on occasion before. Then the silence became icy glares, slushies' and words that cut me far deeper than any knife ever could; of course after she tossed that first slushy at me it seemed to be the cue for everyone else.

That night was the night I first started cutting. It was a way for me to escape from the emotional hell my life had become seemingly overnight. When I cut I at least had some measure of control over something in my life. It was up to me where the cuts were, how deep they ran, how much they hurt and bled. The physical was a focus for me, as long as I was thinking about that the other problems in my life didn't have any room in my head. I focused on that and my dreams of getting out of here one day, a goal that had before seemed a certainty with each passing day became harder and harder to believe in.

I put up with all of it though and then last year when glee started up I thought I would finally find a reprieve from the abuse I suffered daily at the hands of my peers. I thought that surely these people will understand my passion and drive for singing; finally I would be praised for something instead of mocked. If only things had worked out that way then perhaps you would not now hold this letter in your hands. Things only became worse when my once best friend turned chief tormentor joined glee. There was absolutely no escaping her now.

Things only got worse that year as I had my mother reach out to me, forcing me to find her only to then be told by her that I didn't need her and we should part ways. Then of course we had Jesse a boy who loved me crack an egg on my forehead before leaving me behind. This year was Finn, another boy who was supposed to love me and yet everything else seemed more important to him than I was. Today was the last straw with him though, instead of even making an effort to talk to me or to comfort me after everyone else had turned on me, he just heaped on the abuse. I realized that there was something wrong with me, something that prevented anyone from loving me, everyone that claimed that they had had abandoned me or treated me like the scum of the earth. Even the cutting is of little comfort to me after this revelation.

The only thing I wish is that I could find out what I did that made her hate me so much. I have thought about it over and over again but I cannot for the life of me figure it out. I would also have liked to tell her that I forgive her, how could I not when I have been so deeply in love with her since we were twelve years old. I would never have told her of course, she hated me and since there is little chance of her reading this or anyone figuring out who she is, I felt the need for at least one person to know the truth.

If you haven't figured it out by now, by the time you read this I will hopefully be dead. I couldn't stand being so utterly alone with all the hatred coming at me anymore. After placing this note in the entryway I plan to go upstairs and end my life. My last wish is for others who suffer like I did are helped before it is too late.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**

With tears sliding down her face the letter slipped from her numb fingers. She couldn't believe it.


End file.
